Looks Like We’re (Almost) Finished Here, Folks. (Part I)

(2nd to) Last Article! This is the last time I’m doing a series of articles.  Ugh.  It’s tiring.  Ok, maybe not the last, but they’ll be shorter next time, I promise.  *There will be a part two, I didn’t expect these to be so long, or tiring.*

Tonight, I’ll be writing about killing and cooking your victims.

*All views expressed in the article come from a cannibal of two years who considers herself a worthy expert on the topic of cannibalism and killing techniques.*

Nifty Disclaimer, isn’t it?  Ha.  Moving on.

And Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, for the most anticipated part of tonight’s showing…

Killing Your Victims.

*Thunderous Applause.*

(If you can’t tell, I’m a bit bored… I should be sleeping… But I’m going to stay up to finish this article…)

Think of every way to kill a person that you can.

If you’re like me, you just thought of about a billion… And one.

I’m going to touch on a few, just a quick over view of what I like and I suggest.

Based on a 1-10 Scale, 1 being a BIG no-no, and 10 being, “You really, really should consider using this.  Yeah.  REALLY.”

Guns:

I’m not a big gun fan.  Guns require a license and they can be traced.  They are efficient, general easy to use and can, if used correctly, kill your victims swiftly.  You can attach a silencer to the gun and it’ll be pretty quiet… Even though your lair should be sound PROOF already.  Over all, a 6.

Blunt Objects:

A bit messier then your average gun, blunt objects can be fun to use but they require a big of strength.  Whether, you’re bashing their head in with a statue, or crushing their heart with a brick, blunt objects are more about letting out rage then efficiency.  I’d give them a 4 due to the blood splatter and the fact they might be able to be traced.

Knives:

My absolutely FAVORITE choice, knives give you just the right amount of blood, you can make them bleed in almost any spot, and there are so many ways to kill them with knives.  You could cut their throat.  You could stab them.  You could hit a major artery, or two… Or all of them.  You could disembowel them.  Endless possibilities.  I’d give them a nine because they’re easy to use, but there is still blood.

Posions:

Easy to use, but sometimes hard to get an handle.  You have to be very, very careful when using a poison because you  could easily poison yourself.  They kill relatively quickly and can be disguised or given bluntly.  I’ll give them an eight due to the danger level but easy usability.

Strangling:

You can use your hands, a rope, a chain, or a cord.  Strangling is harder than you think.  You have to make sure that they’re tied down tightly and THEN you strangle them.  I suggest you use a cord (like… metal or something.)  Just make sure you’re comfortable holding on to it for an extended period of time, because this could get messy.  I’ll give it an eight because it can be used as a torture technique AND a method for killing, but it’s hard to do on occasion.

While there are a million other ways to kill your victims, this is just an over view.  I’ll be back later with part two on cooking your victims.

God Speed, Young Ones.

-Chompy.