Brain here. Chompy took the week off. Lovely girl. Hate that she’s a cannibal, though. She coul–wait, she is making something of her life! What a revelation…
She asked me to write up a story for you guys. I really had to dig on this one, my abnormally large brain has been… Malfunctioning as of late. So, I’m pulling this one out of my hat.
A Brush with Cannibals
By Brain McNeurons
I was walking down the street in New Jewsey, looking for some meat. (You find a delicious amount of Hobo’s there, just watch out for the druggies, if you drink their blood, you’ll get high… And it’s not fun when you fall from that high. Not. Fun. At. All.) It’d been a scarce week, I’d only had leftovers from my last few kills, a little teenager here, some smoked guy-who-wasted-his-life-and-is-now-dead there… Over all, a little bland. Luckily, I had saved the heart. Man was that good, that teen had really done some exer–Back on topic, right.
Now, you must understand that Chompy, myself, and the other cannibals in MS are not the only cannibals out there. Now, while they’re few and far between, they’re still there. Their methods may not be as efficient as ours, but they still uphold the same practice. We call them “Wildies”. Pretty Clever, huh? I came up with that all by myself.
In New Jewsey, there is a cannibal who calls himself “Fang”. Real nasty guy, even in cannibal terms. He enjoys prolonged torture and has all but perfected it. He’s an avid sadomasochist and he truly thinks its his goal in life to kill people and eat them. Raw.
Well, old Fang doesn’t really like other Cannibals stealing from his territory, so when he heard I was in town, he paid me a visit. (I was in Jewsey visiting a psychology workshop specializing in the minds of cannibals and Serial Killers. That’s what I do for a living, by the way, I write books and such on cannibals… And other killers.)
He basically stormed my room, knife in hand, and decided to mouth me off. Just to let you know, I learned Ninjutsu while in college (All eight horrid years of it.) and I am well versed in how to fight off an attacker. But, instead of kicking his butt, I let him state his business… It went sort of like this…
Fang: Why are you here, worm?
Me: First off, I’m a human, not a worm, and I happen to be here for a conference.
Fang: If I hear you’re stealing my prizes…
Me: So what if I do? You’ve got enough to feed a cannibal army if you need. Besides, one missing wouldn’t hurt…
At this point, I wrestle the knife from him and throw it over his head, on purpose, and it sticks in the wall, quivering. He blinked and grabbed the knife, heading out. He didn’t say a word, he just grunted as he left. Odd fellow. He’s awfully big. Sort of like a John Cena meets Hannibal Lector sort of thing. Interesting, is it not? Yes, yes. Oh. Goodness gracious me! My orphan tear cookies are done baking! Well, I must go!
May the Stars guide you, and your heart forge a path.