More Steps!? No Way!?!?!

I just bit into an eyeball.  I’ve always thought they had a very distinctive, very… Squishy texture.  So, before I plunge into the next few steps, I want to tell you something weird that happened to me like… Yesterday.

I was at home, just chilling in my bed, and I decided to go down to the basement in order to clean it. (Every lair should be cleaned well!)  And the moment I stepped into the lair, Lillian, my sadomasochist personality, took over.  But, I didn’t realize this until four hours later when I’m sitting on the floor of my lair, soaked in blood, with a dead, (not to mention hot) guy on my table… Quite literally.  He’d apparently been tortured.  Lillian decided to have some fun with him and I eventually pieced everything together.  (Lillian communicates with me through pictures and dreams that I remember only slightly… Like an out of body experience.)

She strapped him to the table and decided to first start torturing his mind.   She toyed with him by making him think she’d left him go if he stayed really still and quiet while she worked (she apparently was cooking up the last bit of meat from one of my other victims… I discovered it was missing just today).  Then, she decided to see how many tiny little cuts she could make on his body until he bled out.  Her findings were inconclusive due to the fact she stopped counting somewhere between the throat and the belly button.

He was delicious, if you were wondering.

Yeah, yeah.  I guess I need to tell you more about being a cannibal.

So we’ve got the mindset, we’re looking for a rhythm, we’ve (hopefully) gotten a lair, and we’ve started to find our favorite victim types.  In this article, I thought I should outline stalking, kidnapping, and securing the victims within the lair.  (This will be the third installment within the series, leaving two more after this.)

Blood Bath and Beyond.   (Clever title courtesy of the Lee and Cameron.  Whom you don’t know.)

5.Stalking: Pros and Cons.

Stalking is a great method in which to obtain victims.  Since you’ve most likely gotten in your mind what type of victim you want, you need to begin planning how to get said soon-to-be-victim.

Let me tell you a little about my first “stab” (pun intended) at stalking.

This was before I fell out of bed and J.J. (my stalker personality) entered my realm of existence.

It was the beginning of ninth grade year and I was feeling awfully dispirited.  I hadn’t seen many of my friends over the summer and so for the most part I had missed them.  During the first few weeks, I had so much human interaction it was an overload.  Then I met Mr.Adams.  He was a college observer who came into our Honors English class to… Well… Observe us and learn how to teach and handle a group of teenagers.

He seemed like a well-rounded, nice young man.  For some reason, he stuck in my mind.  Over the next four weeks, he became my escape from the torture of ninth grade.  In two weeks I knew that his mom had died in a car wreck and his dad had Parkinson’s, and was on the brink of death from a bout of pneumonia that hit him after a week of the flu.  I also learned that he had one sister who had been basically kicked out of the house for doing drugs and becoming a prostitute.  Messed up family, if you ask me… But hey, who am I to judge?  I just killed the kid.

Anyway, I took loads of pictures and tried to do it like they do in the movies.  I found out you don’t have to do have the stuff they do in the movies.  I just followed him around campus, acted like a pre-med student… I even picked up some books and spent an hour in the library using a fake ID, fake studying in order to spy on him.

I figured out that he lived alone in a one-room apartment like two feet from his college (Mississippi College — The Christian One… It’s in Clinton, where I live).  I also found out he’d recently broken up with his girlfriend.  Everything was lining up perfectly.  So, one night I snuck over to his apartment, picked the lock (it’s not too hard to learn… Once you get the hang of it, you feel like a pro), and tasered him.  He was out in seconds.  I dragged him out and put him in the van I had rented. (Fake ID, for the wind, much?)  And hauled him to my off-site (not under my house) lair.  It’s a lair that’s underneath this really, really old church.  I’m pretty sure that it was used for torture at one time because it’s PERFECT.

Right, so… When we got there, I strapped him to a table, prepared my knives and such and waited for him to wake up.  He eventually did, and he didn’t seem all that surprised to find out it was me.  He said he had known there was something “off” about me.  I pride myself in being… “off”, I told him.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Him: Are you going to kill me?

Me: Yes, you’re almost too good to kill, though.  Almost.  You know, I’ve been stalking you for over four weeks now… I’m surprised you never noticed me.

Him: I thought I saw you, but I wrote it off as just sleep deprivation.  It won’t do me any good to scream, will it?

Me: I certainly won’t mind.  I’m a bit of a sadist.  We’re underneath the church.  Remarkable how close we are to the college, isn’t it?

Side note:  The church is quite literally only a two-lane road away from the college… And I was essentially underneath the road and parts of the college AND the church.

Him: A bit sacrilegious, don’t you think?

Me: I’m about to kill you, I think I’m far past sacrilegious.

He closed his eyes and a single tear rolled down his cheek.  Then, with a slight smile, I began cutting.  He went quite quickly, I didn’t really enjoy seeing him go.  He was so nice.

If you’re as committed as I am, I’d suggest getting a few different IDs for multiple aliases and if you know anyone who can make fake documents ( I know some of the will-be programmers, hackers, graphic artists, etc. of tomorrow, so I’ve got my things covered.)

Always be prepared to explain why you’re in a certain place and don’t say anything that could get you sent away from a certain place, it could hinder your work greatly.

Know your victim’s routes and routine, the more you know, the better.

6. Kidnapping… Yay!

Moving on to the kidnapping step.

Once you’ve gotten your lovely victim selected and stalked, you need to abduct them.  I’d suggest a taser, a tranquilizer, a poison, or a knife.  You can kill them at the scene and then haul them away or you can subdue them and then transport them.

Make sure the abductions go smoothly and the victims DO NOT get away.  This could prove disastrous.  If you know your history, you’ll know that Jefferey Dahmer was caught because one of his would-be victims got away and rant to the police.

That’s really all I’ve got to say about kidnapping.

7. Securing the Victim

Making sure your victim will not get away from your layer is very important.  I would suggest you get a table with leather or metal restraints for their arms, legs, neck, and torso.  Also make sure if they do get out of the restraints, they won’t be able to get out of the lair.  Even if they get out of the restraints, you can subdue them in the lair much easier than out on the streets or where ever tickles your fancy…

Also, I would suggest you keep them knocked out as long as possible and you kill them as soon as you’re done torturing them… The longer they’re alive, the more of risk they become.

Alrighty!  Check in next time for killing methods, ways to store your food, cooking, and maybe even some body dumping tips!

God Speed, Young Ones.

-Chompy.

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And the Next Step Is…

Step Four:

Begin finding victims.

Selecting victims that fit you is often a long process.  Most cannibals enjoy leaner meat, so they go for the smaller, younger, more muscular types.  Some people enjoy a bit of fat to flavor up their meals, so they hunt larger prey.

You may prefer blondes, or brunettes, maybe even red-heads (No, i’m a red head.  No eating red heads.)  If you enjoy blacks instead of whites, Asian instead of Middle Eastern; you just have to look around until you find your ideal victim.

What I eat.

I prefer younger males in their late teens, early twenties.  Now understand that when I said in earlier articles that I don’t torture, I wasn’t lying.  I’m not a schizophrenic, but I do have multiple personality disorder and it can be hard living with these personalities within me.  I’m not just one person, but many.

Lillian, an avid sadomasochist and torture buff, she takes over when ever I’m in my basement.  I rarely have much recollection of what she does, but she always seems happy.  I’ve had her relate stories to me.  They’re… Frightening.

When stalking prey, J.J. comes out.  J.J. is a very good stalker, it almost comes naturally to her.  She knows how to tail a car and even get a guy to just step into her car.  She usually is the one who brings home the meals.  🙂

I have a few other personalities, but they don’t pertain to much that’s happening in this article.

So, find your own victim type.  They can range from very young to sort of old.  I would advise you try out a few victims before settling on a certain type.  I prefer men, but I usually get women because they’re more tender.  But, that’s just personal preference.

Right-o I need to go get my next stalking expedition outlined and planned.

God Speed, Young Ones.

-Chompy.

Choosing Which of your Friends to Eat.

Now, as your pickings become weak (due to this silly economy)  you may have to resort to eating your friends.  But who, you may ask, should you eat first?

As a long time cannibal and killer, I would suggest you kill the most annoying first.  If they bug you to no end, then get them out of this world and start feasting.  If someone starts getting a tad suspicious, you may fall into the line of suspects, but, being a seasoned liar (as you should be) you can wiggle your way out of anything, right?

Police Officer: Is that a human leg in your trunk?

You: Uh… No.  I’m a… Magician.  It’s a part of my trick.  I actually need to get to a show as soon as I can…

Police Officer: Wow!  A magician, sorry man, you can go. *Grin… Wave*

See, just as long as they believe you, it’s fine.  Righto, so try to feast on strangers for the time being, if you don’t, things could get messy!  🙂

I would advise that you don’t eat anyone related to you, or any of your  best friends–not matter how delicious you think they may be.  I’ll be posting a list of rules for Cannibals later on that will continue to grow as I remember more and more.

Ah, so… If you happen to eat someone you’re related to, I suggest you change your name and move.  Quickly.  Because family is usually suspected first.  But if you kill hobo’s and idiots, then the world will be a better place.

With that in mind, I leave you.  Happy feasting.  🙂

God Speed, Young Ones.

-Chompy.